Good morning and Happy Labor Day 2022! It is rather misty this morning here, after an overcast and rainy day yesterday, actually staying between 60 and 70 degrees ALL day…! It was lovely, but I wasn’t home much to enjoy it. :( Today it is only supposed to get up to around 73 degrees, and remain overcast — THE BEST weather to sit at my desk and work and learn, BUT once again, I have too many obligations today to REALLY enjoy it. :( Still, I JUST captured a tiny green hummingbird feeding on the jewelweed outside my window — plants that I personally SAVED from the weed-whacker, lol — so what do I REALLY have to complain about, aye?! I am STILL surrounded by nature, even if it is fading fast, and I don’t get enough free time to wander, and enjoy it more. :(
Most of me just wants to CRY at the all-too-rapid passage of time, the inability to do EVERYTHING I want to do, as the summer receeds into memory. I wish I could make each one of these lovely late-summer days last 80 hours or more, so I could have more time for the things I WANT to do, the things that FUEL me… not just the tasks I feel obligated to do. But I suppose that is the general condition of all humans, so again, I have nothing to complain about. I am married to my soul mate, and I get to spend time with him EVERY day. He is my top priority, under God and my faithfulness to HIM. I make enough money to support the two of us, in the conditions that God has provided for us at this time. I have even recently received a “scholarship” through my county of residence, to take any and all of the Google Certification Courses through Coursera, and I am rapidly advancing through two of them, simultaneously: Digital Marketing and E-commerce, and my much preferred UX Design (user experience design). There are at least two more I will probably take, rounding out my documented skillset to include IT Tech training and Python coding ability.
Taking these online courses at first really boosted my confidence, because academics is the thing I excel at above all others — it is SO EASY for me to study and learn and make a nearly perfect score on any test, regardless of the topic. I sure wish I could get PAID to learn and make good grades, but alas, that is not possible as far as I know. LOL. Still, it helped me crawl up out of the depression I found myself struggling through this spring/summer. It gave me hope that I will not ALWAYS have to work outside of my home in order to support myself and my Mate… perhaps I can do more techie work than hands-on people care. AND, as the new schoolyear has begun, my website is getting a little more action, calling me to do updates and even to WANT to make more NEW products and activities. Hence my increased resentment of time spent on my OBLIGATIONS.
Argh! I feel so agitated, wanting to DO so much, and LEARN so much, and CREATE some of the awesome things inside my head… and yet constantly feeling like my wings are clipped, barely making it off the ground and having to return almost immediately, just in order to do menial work to make an income and buy food and supplies. I want to SCREAM out that I can DO so much more, CREATE so many awesome things… “IF ONLY” I was more FREE to do so. But I have lived life long enough to know that “IF ONLY” is an illusion. We have to set our own PRIORITIES. We each have to MAKE TIME for the things we love. As mentioned, I get to spend time EACH DAY with my Soul Mate — a blessing that not so many people get to enjoy. Lord Jesus, faithful Shepherd, I pray that you help me be CONTENT and feel less rushed, more appreciative of the things you have blessed me with, of the TIME I DO have, and rely upon YOU to make sure I have enough TIME to accomplish everything YOU want me to. HELP ME to LET GO of my own desires and expectations, and accept whatever YOU choose for my life, for my time, for the last beautiful days of this summer season. Amen. Jesus, I give you my mind, my time, my hands, my heart. THANK YOU for giving your ENTIRE TIME upon this planet FOR US!! <3