Good morning, Father.
Lord, I am having a bit of a hard time keeping myself in the NOW, not falling into depression or at least discouragement. I get 4 to 6 hours of sleep each night, my body now accustomed to sleeping right around 5 hours, or just under. I spend the rest of each day working, pacing myself by going back and forth between more difficult and more enjoyable or easier tasks. I am making SOME money, but it is not ENOUGH. Or at least it seems that way. I guess what is REALLY bothering me is the fact that we have not had our own means of transportation for almost 10 months now — since January 1st when our registration expired. And there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. My Mate works on other people’s cars, and other people’s trailers and such… but no one has any money to actually pay him for his work, and now even the ones who WERE giving us rides into town do not have a working vehicle — and no money for repairs. On the flip-side, I do not NEED anything at this moment — but we will at least need to get clean water from Walmart in the next few days sometime. And of course, we do not have food to last indefinitely.
Lord, sometimes it SEEMS so hard to be your child, to hold onto the faith I need to keep going, to not give up, to not conform to society’s rules and expectations. It can be difficult to live a nontraditional lifestyle, in a cheap old camper instead of a grand house. Yet I wouldn’t trade our simple, frugal life for one of slavery to a job working for someone else, wasting countless hours in commute and waiting for other people to do THEIR jobs, so I can get mine done. I have enough of that waste-time, just dealing with technology and all the software glitches and wifi inconsistencies. LOL, you did NOT make me for that lifestyle, nor my Mate. I thank you for your provision, Lord. I know you will not let me down, as you never have. It just gets scary sometimes, butting up against the edge of disaster, living life on the edge. I still trust you completely, faithful Shepherd. Help me be faithful to YOU, and keep trusting, keep my ears and eyes open to your guidance. Show me plainly anything that I am missing — anything I should be doing or that I should NOT be doing. I trust you to guide me, Holy Spirit. I trust you with ALL of me, including my heart. Amen. :)