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October 3, 2021
9:49 pm

Well, Lord, I am just two days away from my fiftieth birthday now — actually only 26 hours away — and I THINK I will have no trouble at all getting the FOUR versions (PG+full x digital+print) of my “life story” book published either on my birthday or within the first few days after it. I have already released the pre-publishing PDF version (PG version) for friends and family and anyone who is curious or interested — on FranLaff.com/10-05. All the text is pretty much ready to go, all edited… I just have to complete the covers and descriptions, and do the uploading — WOOT! Unfortunately, there is no easy way to do the covers… And I am struggling with those as well as whether to include pics. I seem to be like a human yo-yo these last few days, MUCH more emotional than I had been, before releasing that PDF version. Not sure if it is a spiritual attack or just lack of sleep combined with feeling exposed and perhaps a bit like “Garbage People” for revealing to the world just how MUCH I have dealt with in my first fifty years, lol. Plus I am struggling with money worries and with feeling BURNED OUT, tired of working so many hours every week PLUS finishing the book(s)… I guess with all this, it might be understandable, feeling so EMPTY and discouraged, aye? :wink:

Psalm 143:4-12 ERV

I am ready to give up. I am losing my courage. But I remember what happened long ago. I am thinking about all you have done. I am talking about what you made with your hands! I lift my hands in prayer to you. I am waiting for your help, like a dry land waiting for rain. Selah Hurry and answer me, LORD! I have lost my courage. Don’t turn away from me. Don’t let me die and become like the people lying in the grave. Show me your faithful love this morning. I trust in you. Show me what I should do. I put my life in your hands! LORD, I come to you for protection. Save me from my enemies. Show me what you want me to do. You are my God. Let your good Spirit lead me over level ground. LORD, let me live so that people will praise your name. Show me how good you are and save me from my trouble. Show me your love and defeat my enemies. Destroy those who are trying to kill me because I am your servant.

Lord, I have NO idea what you will do with the story you have written for my life, that I am about to offer to the public through Amazon. I thank you for helping me to prepare it, and I ask you to bless my efforts in whatever way that YOU desire, for it is YOU who have written this story — I just recorded parts of it, to give to people to read. Please help me to complete the last few steps of the process, and to move on to other projects, as well as to promotional projects for the books and for this site. Father, you see how discouraged my heart is, how lonely, how sick I am of working for other people, how frustrated I am with never having enough money to SAVE UP, despite working 32 to 48 hours per week and paying NO rent. HOW can gas and food and the necessities of life cost SO MUCH?! Lord, you see how my van — the place where I LIVE — is falling apart faster than I can afford to fix it. And you see how badly I want to just go back to the simple life my Mate and I had, living inside our camper together. I MISS that closeness, that simplicity, that freedom, Lord. I MISS living in the same place with my Mate, able to see him while I sit at my desk and work, cooking our meals in our tiny kitchen, and having adequate refrigerated space. And to be honest, I miss sleeping in my loft bed, too. I never thought, back at the end of April when I packed up my stuff in the camper and “moved into” my van to make room for all my Mate’s STUFF in the camper while we moved across the country — that I would STILL be living in my van, over five months later… and with NO end in sight! The plan was to UNLOAD the camper into the barn here, and both of us live inside it… but the camper is still being used for storage, and I just have to make the best of it. I am starting to feel a bit of worry about the coming weeks and months… will my van be able to make it back to Texas?? And WHERE will we live, once we get there? I oscillate wildly between feeling at total peace about all this… and feeling like it is an impossible, worrisome situation. Help me to just TRUST you, Lord. You’ve NEVER let me down. Amen.

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I have used this little pic to represent my prayer blog since February 2017. It’s a good mix of things that are ME: nature, worship, surrendering self… plus a solid dose of modernity and technology, as I believe this little box-human is one of the Amazon-style graphics that were popular at the time that I found it. Not sure who created this pic, but I do believe I found it on Pixabay, where NO attribution or credit is needed. However, I am quite willing to be corrected if I am mistaken. 😉 🙂 😄 :O>