Lord, YOU KNOW ME… I AM a bad speaker, I look crazy, act crazy, do not conform to ANY expectations. I turn people off, irritate them with my exuberant chatter and nervous energy. I speak too fast, about too many things… and I cannot seem to get over the fact that I LOOK BAD. I wish you had made me CUTE or at least more “normal” looking. Instead, I think I look like a rooster that got oil spilled on it and then stood in front of a fan kicking up dust — almost crackhead-ish, lol. I almost NEVER look ANY version of “neat” or “tidy” or “professional”. I just look DAMAGED, or at the very least, RUMPLED. Yet this day you seem to have started in me a BEGINNING of an acceptance that in order to HELP people in the manner you have for me, I NEED to do VIDEO — and for the first time EVER, I have spent an hour or so using my laptop camera to do somewhat of a podcast type thing, just talking about random topics, whatever was on my heart to talk about, mostly just getting my feet wet, getting some beginning experience with this laptop video thing. I do not know where you will take it, I do not have any details other than that my fiftieth birthday is now 11 1/2 weeks away, and I feel compelled to publish my life story in two versions (“PG version” and “hardcore version”) for my fiftieth birthday — AND that you have OTHER things to go along with that project such as video, audio, and visuals. All I am doing is “falling forward”, Lord. I have gotten like 3 1/2 hours of sleep and it is now almost time to go back to work and do another 12-hour overnight shift. I am trying to finally finish up this blog post, get dressed, get my van back into driving mode (moving everything around back into drive-safe spaces, rather than stacked up against windows and doors and on seats, lol)… then give my Mate another half-hour or so of attention and companionship before driving up to work and giving my time and attention to my clients. I KNOW you’ve got me, Lord. I KNOW you will make sure my body, heart, mind, and spirit have everything needed to stay healthy and alert and at peace (as best as I can ACCEPT your peace, Lord!). I give you my time, my mind, my projects, my heart. I give you all the little videos I took today, and all the ones I will make in the future. I am willing to be a FOOL for you, Lord Jesus. Help me to be faithful to you and be BRAVE and just do whatever you put before me, Lord. Amen.