Good morning, Father. Thank you for a couple small improvements that I can be grateful for this morning. I have clean clothes after taking 4 hours to do one load of laundry yesterday (drier sucks, but I am grateful to have it nevertheless). Also, my plant that I brought with me to Texas — gathered from the forest floor in Iowa 16 months ago — is looking a little bit better now, after declining in health for the last 2 weeks. I have faithfully nurtured that little dude through so many difficulties, and it HURT to see it dying, especially while I am so uncomfortable in life right now! THANK YOU for the small improvement in its health, Lord. Wow, I am just now realizing that there are DEFINITELY disadvantages of not having bonded with other humans as a child — the bonding is somewhat replaced with a reliance upon aspects of my environment to provide some comfort and stability. On the one hand, everywhere I go I make myself comfortable, settling into my surroundings like a little “home” even if I am only going to be there for a couple hours. On the other hand, when I am facing a move to a new place, the combination of TIME pressure and completely losing my external sources of comfort and stability really messes me up! The more unknowns there are and the less I have apparent control over my surroundings — like a vehicle that can become my “home” during the move — the more messed up I get. It’s amazing the variety in this response, however. I was pretty darn stable and confident a night I spent in a homeless shelter — I had my backpack with all my personal items in it, and I had walked 6 miles in the Texas spring heat to get there, knew my surroundings even outside the shelter, so I felt pretty safe. In contrast, I am now facing a possible move to a tiny parcel of land that our buddies are purchasing, I will have to come up with supposedly about half the amount of rent I am paying here… but I do NOT have anything besides the PEOPLE to count on staying the same, so I am in a state of semi-panic. I simply cannot derive my comfort from people like I can from controllable (or just natural) aspects of my environment!! I guess I learned by age 2 that during a crisis, anything and everything that is affected by other humans is UNSAFE — no matter who the humans are. I have already been feeling a burning desire to have my own set of wheels — I haven’t even had one that my Mate and I share for 15 months now — but now with a pending move that urge has become so desperate that I can barely do my work, and my cheerful lightness seems to have dissipated. It FEELS like I am walking into a suicidal TRAP! No matter how much I logically can trust these people — my Mate, my best friend, and her husband — realistically I cannot derive real comfort or stability from them. It literally feels at times like I am in a life-or-death struggle, and I don’t know how to explain myself and my painful vulnerability feelings, even to my Mate. Instead, I have this invisible wall of defense, foolishly trying to protect myself in order to survive. Good thing I have an awesome faithful Shepherd!! Lord, please help me to rely upon you even more than I already do. Help me to trust you to protect me from people, even my Mate and the ones that are my friends. I feel very, very vulnerable and TENSE, Lord. Please be my Shelter. Amen.